LIVE OR DIE

I'm having difficulty to manage my emotion these days, my long fighting case finally classified as DNAA (discharge not amounting to acquittal), words fail to describe my feeling. I'm still processing how and why. There a lot of defame post about me since that case gone viral, the cops do not investigate further when I lodge the report (I've been informed the IO who take my report transfer to another police station so the report have no further action until now) and I thought it was okay for me to wait for the case go to trial, but it finally left with DNAA. 

Since that case my life change, multiple mental breakdowns sometimes my mood swing become worst but mostly I having low moment with suicidal ideation and my panic attack keep coming, Everyday it was very difficult day for me, no one asked me how to face this even friend turn to be foe, I have been ostracized by my party members too since that day, try faking my smile every day and cheers myself up but the deep hole darkness keep haunting me. The more I hide the pain, the more it kills me from the inside.

How to solve this issue? How? Most of them use my case as their political punchbag to further their political mileage, no one will talk behalf on me sincerely, they thought I lodge the report because I want to climb higher in politic using this dirty politics. Truth is thing happened, I try give my best to think positive about my party leaders, but they seem ignore and push me away. Maybe because I against someone who come from high class family so no one trust me, no one was really there for me all this time. Some use me for their political mileage they are not the one who was there for me when I am fighting battle. I really feel lonely take this road, it seems like a suicide path for me when I lodge the report. Frankly said, after the announcement of DNAA my heart break into pieces, every day I sleep with tears, sometimes I didn't know what cause me in pain. It's difficult to even breathe and everything too dark in front of me. I didn't see lights anymore, everything scares me. One I thought will fight for me, left me and never want to reply to my text anymore. Everyone busy with their life, I'm just not that important for anyone, I'm not anyone son/daughter so my case is not important for them. 

No one voice out the injustice happened to me. All of those activists either those championed mental health issue, women issues, sexual harassment issue and a lot more none of them appears to talk about my DNAA case. Those silent treatment about my case really kill me, they never care about me, about how I feel they just busy politicking for the sake of power not for the PEOPLE. All this time I was wrong, I was wrong think by politic I can change my miserable life, but my life turn be more miserable than before. 

Why God test me in so many levels? Why can't I live happily like others? Why no one was there for me when I need them? Why no one listen for my cry of help? Why I have to go through all of this thing alone without no one by my side? If just I have someone I love to cheer on me or at least be my good listener at least it can relieve my burden, but I never have anyone. I never involved in a serious relationship maybe because of my past experience, maybe because the fear of abandonment. My dream I want to live happily like others, have someone that love me and live in peace.

I really feel tired right now, I feel tired to feel this pain and hope I can rest well soon. To family and friend who read this I'm sorry to let you down and not fighting hard enough, please wish well that I can survive longer in this cruel harsh world. I want to keep continue living but why I feel I'm dead from the inside already? 

Merindukan saat ketika si dia punya masa terluang untuk saya,

Merindukan saat ketika dia belum punya apa-apa,

Hari ini semuanya berbeza, 

Dan kenapa saat ini kesal dan kecewa sesak di dada?

Luka

Hati yang luka,

Kian jauh dari alam ini,

Tiada siapa mendengar tangisan ini,

Benar manusia hanya tertarik berteman dengan insan yang punya segalanya.

Andai saja aku punya segala,

Pasti jauh ku bawa diri merentasi negara ini.

Andai saja masa bisa diputar semula,

Pasti saja kenangan indah sahaja yang aku hiasi dalam rongga jiwa ini,

Entah kenapa rasa gembira itu kian pudar ditelan masa,

Mungkin kerana penatnya bersandiwara bahagia selama ini.

Leny (16 April 2023, 11.59pm)

Kita Sama

Sering saja kita impi hidup bak seorang Raja,

Sedang hakikat nyata ia tidak seindah ilusi,

Sedar atau tidak kita alpa mengejar cinta manusia,

Sedang kita punya Yang Maha Kuasa dan hakiki,

Sering kita dibuai memori lama,

Sedang kita punya peluang mencipta bahagia hari ini,

Sering kita menuding jari mencari salah siapa,

Sedang semuanya berpunca dari diri,

Sering kita bertanya apa kurangnya kita,

Sedang kelebihan juga sudah diberi,

Sering kita mencari perbezaan antara kita,

Sedang kita punya persamaan diri.

Kita hidup dan menghirup udara sama,

Kita punya rasa kecewa yang sama,

Kita punya tujuan yang sama,

Kerana kita semua sama di mata Sang Pencipta.

Yang memecahkan kita cuma tembok keangkuhan durjana,

Yang membinasakan cuma kata-kata nista,

Yang menghancurkan harapan cuma manusia yang penuh putus asa,

Yang membuatkan kita lemah kerana pengharapan tanpa usaha.

Ditulis pada 15 Ogos 2022, 2.30am

An Open Letter to Myself

I know things have been tough for you and you have shattered into pieces many times. 

I know there are things that bother you and people around you don't care,

I know you are filled with loving memories of people who were close to you,

I know destiny have not favored you many times,

I know there have been breakups that have shaken your faith in love.

Just so you know that IT IS OKAY!

Things happen, dream break, expectations are no met and life tricks us.

I am really PROUD of you.

I am proud of you that you gathered all the broken pieces of you and made yourself up,

I am proud of you that every morning you get up with a faith that everything will be fine.

I am proud of you that you still have not give up.

Dunia

Dunia,

Penuh helah dan tipu daya,

Penuh warna suka dan duka,

Pelbagai watak penuh drama,

Pelbagai kerenah variasi cerita.

Dunia,

Pentas lakonan sang asli dan sang hipokrasi,

Pentas ujian buat khalifah di muka Bumi ini,

Pentas manusia beradu siapa berkuasa di dunia ini,

Pentas insan yang berlumba mencari cinta abadi.

Dunia,

Penatnya di rasa menusuk ke hati,

Penatnya membawa resah sendiri,

Perasaan terkhilaf sengsara sendiri,

Perasaan terhukum oleh manusia yang menghakimi.

Sakit Dunia

Pernahkah anda merasa lelah menghadap dunia? 

Pernahkah anda berputus-harap pada segala perkara? 

Pernahkah anda merasa sendiri tanpa sesiapa di sisi? 

Pernahkan anda bawa diri meratapi nasib diri? 

Pastinya semua manusia di atas muka Bumi ini begitu. Setiap orang punya jalan cerita tersendiri. Setiap orang punya cabaran yang berbeza,namun itulah rencah kehidupan setiap personaliti yang kita ketemu berbeza malah jangan dilupa setiap detik kita menghirup udara di dunia ini yang pasti pada akhirnya kita akan pergi juga suatu masa nanti. Pernah aku terfikir mengapa diberi nyawa menjadi khalifah di muka Bumi ini jika nyawa diambil satu masa nanti? Setiap manusia juga percaya walau perbezaan agama sekalipun, sesiapa yang meninggalkan dunia ini mereka akan bangkit juga di dunia berbeza. Tafsirannya mungkin berbeza tetapi maksudnya sama, kita masih diberi peluang untuk dibangkitkan lagi setelah mati meninggalkan dunia ini. Jadi apa gunanya ditiupkan roh dalam jasad kita semata-mata untuk menghadap perpisahan di dunia sementara ini? Persoalan ini seringkali bermain di fikiranku.

Untuk aku, dunia ini gelap, penuh ketidakpastian, penuh kesuraman, penuh jiwa-jiwa kesedihan dan terluka. Yang dilihat terpaling gembira juga pada akhirnya yang paling menyedihkan. Manusia yang punya emosi pelbagai rencam, manusia yang perlu memahami manusia lain untuk meneruskan kehidupan pada akhirnya mereka gagal memahami diri sendiri dan hilang dalam kesesakan dunia hanya kerana ingin mengikut norma masyarakat dunia. Segala-galanya berputar pada paksi yang sama, kita perlu mengikut peredaran zaman hari ini untuk kekal relevan dan berkuasa. Ini terpakai untuk sang penguasa yang menentukan pemerintahan negara dan sang Raja yang berada di atas takhta. Bagi rakyat terbawah pula, anda hanya perlu mengikut sahaja sistem yang ada demi sesuap nasi, demi meneruskan kehidupan dan demi melangsaikan hutang-hutang yang dicipta sang penguasa di atas sana. 

Buat insan yang sedar betapa bangsatnya sistem dunia, mereka akan merasa lelah menghadap dunia seperti aku. Bernafas sahaja merasa perih apa lagi untuk meneruskan kehidupan. Mungkin pada ketika aku menulis blog ini, hati aku merasa sayu dan sedang berputus-asa, tetapi nyawa yang dipinjamkan ini tetap juga aku hargai, jadi aku mahu terus hidup dengan memberi cinta dan menyayangi semua orang di sekeliling aku supaya mereka tidak merasa kesepian seperti aku. Untuk setiap masa yang berlalu kerana gagal menyelamatkan jiwa yang lara maafkan aku, hari ini di awal Tahun Baru aku nekad menikmati hidup tanpa sesal. Terus melangkah demi melengkapkan putaran nyawa yang diberi, semoga satu masa nanti ketika aku dibangkitkan semula Yang Maha Kuasa memberi segala kebahagiaan yang aku cari.

Yesterday is Mystery, Today It Could Be History

 *Part 2*

Last time I wanna tell something important here, but it take courage and time how to story about my dark incidents. Have you ever wonder why certain things happened in your life? When something bad happened have you ever think why it continuously happened to you? Many times, this things keep lingering in my head. Sometimes I blame myself for no reason. It sucks because you feel your existence seems a misfortune for everyone around you too. I feel that way most of the time.

When I was 19 years old first tragic event happened in my life, I have found myself follow strangers which promised to sent me to the bus station nearby but end up he took me for granted and lock me somewhere in the shanty barn around middle of the small jungle. I think that is the moment how everything change in my life, I use to be the most confident person, brave and care about everyone around me but since that day my life turns into the darkness. I've been physically abused, mentally torture and hits by a few man inside that barn. It started from 6pm until I'm successfully ran away around 2.10am, at least around 8 hours and 10 minutes I've been lock up there and face scariest thing in my life alone. Some grope my body, another one dragged me in the room try to rape me and because one of the man have intention to rape me I hits a window there, hold piece of window on my hand until my hand bleeding a lot. Whenever the kidnappers panick see blood all over my body, I took that opportunity try running away in the middle of the night. There's no residents around that place just trees and bushes. Its really dark and its rain drizzling outside there, there also lightning that accompanied me that night.

All the man who kidnapped me run to find me but left untrace cs I hold my breathe when I was hiding among the trees even when they actually just around me that time and luckily no one bring any torchlight. It took me 15 to 20 minutes hiding in the darkness alone with possibility attacked by dangerous animal but I have no choice unless to save myself from all of the 'animals' masked with this human face. I remember vividly that day how frightened I am to hide in that little jungles alone, my heart stop pounding for a while just to ensure those guys left. After I didn't listen any muffled voices I confirmed that everyone left the scenes then I ran faster to find any house nearby. After 10 minutes running alone then I find 2 house which still not off the lights. I believe the owner of that house still not sleeping yet so I barge in their house area and knocked the door while shouting for help. Luckily there's a woman early 30s open the window and ask what did I do around her house to discern the truth, she seems shocked look the tangled me and I'm straight away telling her I need her to call cops because I've been kidnapped and I'm hurting when trying to escape from them. She gave an incredulous stare at first but looking at my injury, she instantly open the door.

The scar still there

Around 3am I arrived at the police station nearby, my dad coming. I can see my siblings was there too. My sister, Dayah sobbing in the car worried about me even my younger sister Fatin. I just give frazzle stares at them because its really exhausted on that day. I didn't even eat anything since yesterday noon. However, the case still NFA until today it because I'm start having mental health problem. Its irony, the bright me suddenly change into a passive person. It take me few weeks before I get back my spirit, I can see how devastated my father that time. He blames himself, sometimes he overwork maybe make himself busy will make he forget all of the problems he need to endure alone. I feel like I'm a burden to him hence on that day I promise to myself only to look as ludicrous I am and hefty strong so my parents won't worried thinking of me. Times ticking by, day by day I just live my life, some good some bad but I keep move forward even I feel lost. 

Past a decade now I face another sexual harassment issues, this time I lodged a police report against an eminence politician. This is another hard times for me and whenever the DPP (Deputy Public Prosecutor) asked me the details of the incident I find out the defendant teams will all out against me with sorts of dirty tactic especially using a psychological attack. Well, I'm actually worried if this case become NFA just like my previous case but I also have been informed that perpetrator have been charged in the court last year so most probably the case will still continue and today I'm still waiting for my trial. I've been informed from both my lawyer and DPP that I need to recall back my NFA case because its related with my current trauma and frankly said the first one hurt me mostly while the second one triggered my trauma. I'm ready to give my statement until I get the justice I want so I can live properly like other people's outside there.

Whenever DPP keep asked me about man and have ever I date before, it makes me sombre because I know I have been that weirdo unpredictable mysterious girl just because the confusion and deep sorrow I hide all this time. The DPP said she hope someone will appear at the court show support to me, and she hope for any man probably to cheer me up. I told her it's impossible as I know nothing about love. On that time I realized, my smile only because I want to hide my pain, my energetic me just because I promise to myself won't make others worried but I'm fail to protect myself since that day too. Its 14 years waiting for justice and the emotion stuck there, (another 2 years my sexual harassment case) gave such a burden for me and the curse of 14 years stuck with my trauma will be open slowly this upcoming trial. I think the case gonna be blow up  because it will exposed the cripple legislative and judiciary system in this country, how an underprivileged person survived in such a circumstances without no one by her side. I took psychology course because no one understand the broken me so I learn to fix myself alone, to understand my unconscious mind, to understand my complex emotions while some people take the course because of their passion or aims for a job prospect my mission only want to heal myself so I'm not really focus on scoring or grades. 

How I'm struggle all this while, repetitive relapsed

After that I choose joined politic so I can be someone that can amend this rotten system too. I climb slowly in politic know that I need to do something to save myself, I yearned this day will coming and God's plan really beautiful. He arrange plan for me so I can rest properly and strong enough to face everything when I'm an adults. Dear Good Lord, I know you up there observed me everyday, listen to me and help me to where I am today, thank you. Thank you for every mysterious thing that You did even when I keep being a failure miserable servants for You, I described You as one most of loyal friend in this life even when I can't see you. One thing I learn from my life experience the subtle message from Him that I finally understand, nothing is permanent even shadow will left you too in the darkness so keep relying on You and yourself.

It remind me about this Surah Insyirah verse [94:6] 

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

So truly when there is hardships there is also ease. Truly with hardships come ease.

Hello 2023, I left this heartbreaking story here so I won't cry alone face something in the court next January. Dear self, thank you become this resilient facing all the tribulations alone, I'm proud of you!

Yesterday is Mystery, Today It Could Be History

I always wondering why my life keep being messy, I didn't live like a normal mundane life so far. My life full with surprise. Some said I'm the weirdo, some portrayed me as blabbermouth girl, some said I'm too sweet-hearted but anyway it doesn't answer my true character. The only thing I know I feel walk alone face the music in front of my face, no one to talk to, sometimes sleeping is my best way to handle every sadness and rejection that I've been through. I care too much about someone because my life just feel that empty coins, trying to cheers everyone around me with my small gestures and bright smile but deep down I'm the one who broken in silence. 

A couple of times I feel give up with my life I mean my suicidal ideation and how I almost died couple of times enough to say what my 'give up' mean here. When I was 23 years old my doctor diagnosed me with bipolar disorder type 2, well at first I couldn't accept it because mental health isn't a trendy things that I would praise of to everyone its a scar that full with soppy dramatic story and that's why I study psychology course, to understand myself better. Unless when my doctor mentioned about my high IQ level and my brain creative compare than average human beings, feel its the good things about broken human like me. I have made some research about bipolar my friend said I'm the madness genius while my doctor said my brain analyzed something quick than everyone else, its something that I need to be proud of because my brain seems keep in track something faster. At least that's what I'm realized, being too energetic and talking too much then suddenly switched to be the most saddest person in the world really made me realized I'm fighting with the demons inside of me every single day. 

Sometimes I overthink with a lot of things until couldn't sleep properly at night. Have you imagine I always overthink when one can't reply my text? Did this person hate me? Did this person don't like me? Did this person try to ostracize me for being a weirdo? Did I do something that he/she hate me? Things that running wild into my head once a while. I'm tired to deal with my sulky mood. So the things when I want to understand from others perspective try to ask something straight forward, "Hey do you hate me?" Hey do you like me? If you like me say so I may not realized about it" This is things I always come out with but people said I'm talk bluntly and its kind of weird. I think I'm not weird but normal human beings always do complicated things like hiding their feelings, say double meaning things just for the sake of "I wanna advise" you, I don't really understand that part. It's too heavy for me or maybe because my brain digest lots of important message so human emotion isn't something I need to be filtered.  I think that's most of my bipolar patient works, if I monitor some well known celebrity or public figures deal with their life we all have same pattern that's straight forward answer. Its a unique things I can see it, a divergent mind that breaks social norms, a non-conformity group.

I start embrace my weakness and accept who I am, speak up about my struggles in this harsh world who say it easy? It never be. Most of the people around me keep saying some nasty stuff about me crazy or attention seeker? Hurmmm.. well as for me I don't need that. I need myself to face all of the obstacles in this life. One can't guarantee their loyalty for you its either you brave enough to walk alone or crying your heart out just because you're alone. Well for me alone and lonely its two different thing, one can be alone but not lonely but one really lonely and alone so distinguish that.

Hey I'm sorry this post quiet dramatic I have something to do, will continue later. I'm about to share my story later. Stay tune!

*Part 1*

Kehidupan

Tiap insan di dunia ini mencari makna sebenar kehidupan,

Ada yang terbuai dengan material, ada yang terbuai dengan kekayaan dunia,

Ada yang masih tercari-cari erti kehidupan,

Pelbagai rencam, pelbagai ragam itulah manusia.

Kebanyakannya malah alpa dengan tujuan sebenar hidup di alam fana ini,

Aku? 

Aku jua hanyut dengan godaan dunia,

Namun hari demi hari aku merasa lelah dengan dugaan dunia,

Walau bercanda ketawa bersama teman setia,

Jauh di dasar hati ia tidak cukup menggembirakan hati nan lara,

Mata yang penat melihat dunia,

Hati yang sakit melawan pancaroba dunia,

Suara yang meronta minta dibawa olehNya,

Suatu hari kita semua pasti pergi meninggalkan pentas dunia,

Membawa seribu satu kebaikan pada umat manusia

atau kemusnahan maha besar pada generasi seterusnya?

Hari ini aku sendiri menemani jiwa yang gundah-gulana,

Kata hatiku cuma satu sahaja,

Biar aku pergi dengan meninggalkan seribu satu kebaikan pada semua,

Biar pergi dijemput malaikat syurga,

Semoga rasa hilang nikmat dunia, 

Diganti dengan yang terbaik di akhirat sana.

Keliru

Kadang hati bingung memikirkan rasa hati,

Kadang hati bimbang memikirkan nasib diri,

Kadang terpukul dek kata-kata nista manusia iri,

Kadang terasa lelah ingin membawa diri.

Kita manusia punya pelbagai rasa,

Kita manusia punya pelbagai kerenah,

Kita manusia punya naluri berbisa,

Kita manusia yang punya salah.

 

SHE

She is beautiful but she is lonely,

She look strong but deep down her heart is fragile,

She is cold hearted woman even she look friendly,

She anguished over sorrow even her smile bright all the time

5 Ways to Keep Yourself Happy & Positive

Life becomes so mystery in front of us, have you ever wonder what you'll become when your aged turns 40? Sometimes, I am thinking bout that...everyone want happiness, prosperity, luxury, me too either but have you ever thinking how much efforts you put for yourself to get all of this? Life is not same neither in film nor drama. So stop daydream and pursue your dreams, start working for what you want and stop grumbling all around there. I start to understand why my life becomes stormy then I start to change the way I'm thinking, and now I'm happy.  Now I want to share with you guys 5 tips to keep yourself happy and positive.

Firstly, just give your best in your life. Never stop give your best because the best will come to you at the right times. I know so many of you outside there been through lot of adversity until you feel darn tired, I am one of 'em too but now I realized why bad things still happened to me because I live in dogmatic where I keep haunting by my past and never want to take any risks to be hurt again, I never want to fall again because it really hurts me to the abyss but I completely wrong. Life is about a lesson to get the best we must face the bitter one so then we know how to appreciate those little things around us before we get the best. Its all about the journey to teach ourselves to be a better person. 

For example bout love, sometimes, we fall in love, fall out of love but that sometimes you crack and it really breaks your heart. Actually it teach you something. Be strong, don't let yourself weak because you lost someone you really want in your life. If you and him/her meant to be one another you'll be together no matter what happened. Keep on faith your partner will not go anywhere if you're MEANT TO BE together. Don't run too fast to them, don't get obsess with them, don't let your emotion controls you. Lets your brain control yourself. If you want your relationships last longer build mutual trust, respect each other, give and take, don't take for granted of others and accept the way your partner are. Don't try to change them tho. Accept their flaws and concentrate what the best of him/her. If you love someone that much you'll keep them higher not push them to the ground. The best relationship don't need the best to be the best among others, they just give their all out best. If you fails in relationship take it as a challenge and think that God keep the best partner for you so stop thinking why the bad things happened to you. Not even in relationship you should give all your best but in study, work and so on. Let say you give your all out already but still not reach your goal. Don't you ever quit because the winner never quit. You have to surmount so many things before you success and its the price you have to paid for glory. Energy, tears, hurts, time, money, etc. Every successful person in this world also been thru all of this.

Second, be positive... Have you ever in situation where you always going mad and think negative bout other? See what happened in your life. It reflex what's playing in your thought. If you want everything goes well in your life, you have to keep your thoughts positive. Negative thinking give negative outcomes of your life.

 I give you example when someone talks bad about you. What is your respond towards that person? 1. You badmouth bout that person because that person talk bad bout you. 2. You ignore that person. If you give no.1 respond I'm sure you're full of negativity in your mind. Watch out babe, you're  the type of person feed your mind thinking bad bout others and feel anxious all the time. If your respond no.2 I'm pretty sure you're one of the positive person. Positive person don't bother what others thinking when people talk bad bout them they still can respond in polite ways and behave their manners because they don't

want go to the same level of that person.They just smile and do their things. Positive person don't respond to rudeness because they know their level. They admit mistakes even when they're not doing mistakes because they don't want to involved in any arguments while negative person they will get angry when they find out someone talk bout them. Why this happened? Their thoughts full of negativity, they feel insecure bout themselves, they think they have everything so they look down at others people, they don't show respect to others, they will talk  harshly because they know their right all the time.

Its a big difference the positive and negative person respond in any aspect. That's why positive person tends to get much glory than negative person because they always positive about themselves and others while negative person tends to blame others and think negative bout others. If you want happy life change your mindset, you'll be happy. If life knocks you down several times just smile and give a shout `Im a winner' coz life will not push you to the ground when you have faith bout yourself and you will become a winner in your life. No one can stop you to be a winner unless you limited yourself. That was a power of positivity, if you want to be success, first let your mind free from negativity if not you will stuck somewhere. I know.

Third, don't expect. In this life, if you expect too much and if you out from your own expectation you will hurts so much. You know why you always hurt because you fail  to score higher in exam or fail in relationships. It's all because you expect more than that. Actually, you the one allow yourself to be hurt. Don't expect just let it be. We can planned, but we can't control what gonna be in front of us so just go thru the flow don't stress out yourself yaa babe! You know what expectation leads to frustration. In lieu thinking something that we don't know yet what happened in our future, let's do thing that can make you laugh. It must be a relief what!

Fourth, don't assume something that you don't know. If you make assumption the possibility you get wrong answer is high. As an example, you listen to rumors that your boss will cut off your salary from your office mates because you always come late to office. You start to stress yourself what will happened next if you got meagre salary, you start survey new job because you don't like your salary been cut off even you still not sure bout that news. Assumption leads to misunderstanding if you don't know about something, do ask. You don't have to be afraid to ask because it is your rights. Everyone deserved to ask in anything they not satisfied of. Don't think absurd or give assumption. ASK. You have the power to ask. If you afraid to ask you don't get the right answer same goes when you go to the class, you didn't understand bout that topic but you didn't asked so the results is you don't know and lost. Same goes in our daily routine of life.

Fifth, appreciate.. If you think your life is unlucky look around yourself what you see and said Alhamdulilah and Subhanallah for those lil things you see likes tree, birds, sun .... Smile you  never know how longs you could see Gods creation . If today you can't appreciate what you have don't cry for their lost tomorrow. Don't compare your life with others because all of you have different journey and story. You don't have to be famous to be happy, or to be rich to be happy you just need to appreciate who you are. Be proud of yourself and others will look at you as an idols. Don't bragged bout what you have, stay humble.You don't need to show others you have everything, people can see it all alone what you have. Life is not about competing its all about how much you satisfied with your ownself. Thats all bout tips to keep yourself  happy and positive. Let's be happy peeps, be a sunshine that can brighten peoples day. Good luck! 

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, oh oh oh whoa.

I just love this song, the song that inspires me each time my downfall  moment.